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28 June 2008 @ 12:45 am
This is nothing, it is just me writing. Ill ramble and hope that someone and yet no one reads it. I guess its kinda like an automatic writing thing but yet not cause I don't think it is driven by anything, just my thoughts....

Sitting in this place I wounder what will happen and what it is I will do. nothing makes sense any more and now that I think about it nothing ever really did. I just walked around pretending it did. there are few people I have ever been able to open up to because I find they get scared and run and I guess it is for the best. most people don't need to be around me, they are better off that way. but I lose the ones I hold close. I lose the ones I would call kindred. brothers and sisters alike walk away and leave me to stand here. Here in this place where I sit and wounder what it is I am to do, what it is I am, what it is that any of this is. A random collection of energy that has assembled to from the reality in which we find ourselves trapped. this reality could simply falter if the flow of energy is disrupted, but since energy simply exists if it where broken would it be the same when it was aloud to flow once more and seem as though nothing has ever changed, or would it be so drastically altered that everything would be different and yet again nothing is noticed to have changed and is simply accepted as what has always been...... times are rough and things go on. here in this place.......  
Current Location: here in this place
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Gary Jules, "Mad World"
08 May 2008 @ 10:37 am
Well, for now things are starting to look up! I, (regretably) still live with my mother and it wa looking like I was going to be homeless at the end of the month cause the lease was up here. but my mom just got the bid on a house accepted and it will close on the 20th! so now I have a place!! Not many ppl are going to know where it is so I can get rid of drama. but there are a few. Courtney being one of them. :P especially since she is like the only one that reads this. lol But ya. I cant wait to get moving! cause this is step one to getting everything I want done done and then I can, hopefully, get around to the rest of it in a timely manner. :) I have had so much going on lately its been crazy. 12 weeks between posts and all. god has it been that long?? oh well. oh and hey court, when you read this could you PLEASE re add me?  I miss you and we never hang out and all so atleast make it so I can see what the hell is going on with you. :) Ill try and post more so you know whats up with me. :) but ya. Im out for now gotta get dressed and shit, damn work.....
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Lilly Allen
04 February 2008 @ 10:01 am
I wish I could simply say that things would turn around and look up.
I wish I could simply take you in my arms and both of us know that everything will be ok.
I wish that you had that same fleeting heart feeling when you look at me that I have when I look at you.
I wish that just for a moment, a single moment in time, I could know what it was like to be loved by you the way I love you.
But for now I cant.
For now I must sit and wait.
For now I am simply and utterly lost.
For now and for always I will go on loving you.
Knowing that one day everything WILL be ok.
knowing that everything that needs to be will be.
Knowing that at least on, some level, you do love me.
Knowing that even though I dont have you as I wish I did, that you will always be there.
Please promise me..
That you will always be there.
Because I can promise you.
Current Location: My head
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Protege Moi
01 February 2008 @ 11:08 pm
These times slip through our hands. They slide past us and quickly blur into nothingness. All those hours vested, all that energy spent. On what? a lost blur of nothingness that is our past. Dwelling on such is the downfall of our minds, yet too often we can never even see it. These irrational extremes that we so often try and forge our future so that it is not able to spiral away into the nothing of our past. And yet again we find that it still does just that. Who here is strong enough to forge this future that can not be erased? Who here can rise above the greys of our pasts and stand tall with me in the solid unshakable future we so crazily dare to create? I will try. I will strive. But none can do it alone. they must always have one by their side to stand with. the more the better. So I will search. I will look. I will scour this nothingness that is our hell of a reality for those who are strong enough and willing enough to arise from the ashes of our gray and hollowed past and form the structure of our future on which we will lay our own destiny. Signed in Blood, and Wrought in Time. WE WILL SURVIVE......... But who is with me.......
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: The radio in my head is playing 2 placebo songs over and over....
30 January 2008 @ 02:38 pm
Free Masonry is rather interesting, especially when you look at their KNOWN parts in history. :)    
Current Location: Upstairs Livingroom
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: History Chanel
22 January 2008 @ 10:45 pm
I was able to hang out with my best friend, and some of our close friends today! We did a lot, got my friend kita's car set up for fixing, and hung out with him and meaghan. Then I had to take Courtney and her sister to work, that was a sad time, no courtney is always a sad time for me. and then I visited her on her break and helped her get some things together for work, and then she ate and I had to leave cause she had to go back. Then I went to see Kell, and Shawn. and then they had to eat so I was alone till courtney surprised me by walking through my front door a half hour early! That was more than a pleasant surprise! it was great!! so then her and I went and got Kita and Meaghan, and Shawn, and Kell and we all hung out in my basement for a while..... but ya, in all a great day!!!!!                
Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Libertines - Cant Stand Me Now
22 January 2008 @ 12:27 am
Another day gone.
Another sun set.
I now am off to bed.
For it is time for rest.
I go now with not a  heavy heart.
As I know that tomorrow.
There is yet another start.
Good or bad.
It may be.
But tomorrow I know.
That you will wait for me.
These words to no one.
None but the one.
The one that will hear them.
And heed to love.
I ask that I rest.
Sound and deep.
Guided through the night.
By dreams and not just sleep.
Taken away from this place for now.
To return to you in the day.
With love.
I do vow.....

**** Not sure what to call it, Im too tired to think. I just wrote what popped into my head, but now it is time to sleep.****  
Current Location: My Living Room
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Whir of the Computer
21 January 2008 @ 02:01 am
I am amazingly bored.... 2 postings in less than 24 hours.... but again, the only person that will most likely read it is the one that is most likely more bored than even I am.... I cant sleep though, I hope you are asleep as I am writing this. you have work. yes at 3pm, but none the less sweetie.... oh well, look at me lecturing someone that is not even here.... how pathetic.... oh well. I am going to read more harry potter, finally made it to book 2. then pass the fuck out. :)    
Current Location: My Living room
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: The space heater, the furnace, and the microwave.....
20 January 2008 @ 03:48 pm
Wow, been a long day, hell a long week. I have so many things that have gone on and then now I have nothing...... Best friend got grounded, all of my room mates are moved out, well at least most of the way. I am so damn bored right now..... I need to do something, but I have no idea what. its driving me crazy....... but chances are only one person is going to read this anyways and she is the one grounded right now.......  
Current Location: Upstairs Livingroom
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: What not to wear.